Three Questions From a Friend

I got an email from a friend today with the following three questions: 

1. What is your "Higher Power"?  2. What does your HP or God do for you?          3. How do you get in touch with God, or your HP?  (The title HP just makes Him more accessible to some.  Don't freak.)    

I answered him with the following:

1. 1.  My HP is God.  Funny how my conception has changed over the years as I’ve lived some life.  God started as this loving Creator that my Mom told me about from the time I was in diapers.  I remember songs like, Jesus Loves Me, and other Tiny Tots favorites that taught me that I was someone who was loved and special and whom God held in very special esteem.  But somewhere along the way, the song changed to There's An All-Seeing Eye Watching YOU and I began to assimilate a very different picture of this grand old man I had come to call God.  I suppose that in the fires of Life, somehow that loving God morphed into this punitive, demanding, high expection-holding, impossible to please JUDGE that was going to hold me accountable on JUDGEMENT DAY.  Ugh.  After crashing and burning a few times over not measuring up under what had become this "performance-acceptance" model of self-judgement, I found myself running as far away as I thought I could get from him out of fear and panic.  I would run until I found a "cave" secluded enough to hide me for awhile, during which time I would try to put myself back together enough to get the outside polished up and looking good again...just good enough to fool you into thinking I was OK - which I was pretty good at.  No, I was REALLY good at it unfortunately, and that kept me stuck for years. Crazy as that whole cycle must sound, that's the way it was with me for a loooooooong time.  What a waste of time, energy, and love from an awesome Higher Power who watched over me the whole time.  What I know now that I didn't know then is this amazing truth:  while I was hiding, He was longing - longing for my return, and rooting - rooting for me to discover the Truth about Him again - that He was and is and always will be that loving, forgiving, run-to-meet-me-on-the-road-even-while-I'm-still-a-long-way-off God who just wanted me back in relationship with Him.  So, yes, my concept has changed and grown into one that allows MUCH more forgiveness and love – maybe ALL forgiveness and love, and I know that’s gonna get me in trouble with my old friends who want to hold onto that Judgement Day.  J  Oh, well...I've learned how to let go of them too and trust God with their transformation, if indeed, that's what they need.  It ain't for me to decide.  I just keep seeing more and more love and forgiveness as I watch people’s lives change in recovery one day at a time. (OK, first answer WAAAAAY too long!) 

1. 2.  God roots for me.  Heals me...soothes me...supplies me...prepares me...surprises me!  Helps me to see the gifts he’s given me to serve others.  The more I spend time helping others, the more I see his grace and his support for my choices and my behaviors.  I feel better about myself, and that in turn gives me more healthy energy and self esteem to carry the Message.  I have come to believe that’s why I’m on the planet, and my HP gives me the power to carry that out - often in ways I would never have discovered on my own in my cave. : )   

3. 3.  Well, I’ve learned to listen for him...in what, compared to my old concepts, are some unlikely places.  God was defined VERY narrowly for me as a child and young man.  But as I EXPERIENCED God in other ways as I matured and as I said before crashed and burned a few times – I began to experience God as forgiving and loving and always giving me another chance at life or a particular lesson.  So, the more loving I come to know him to be, the easier it is to hear his voice.  ( I don't guess I wanted to hear Him back when I thought all he held for me was judgement, disapproval, and disdain.  Imagine THAT!) 

At times, in life transitions, or facing financial difficulty or relationship challenge, I feel as though I need an “answer” more quickly, or more practically...or more on my terms.  This doesn’t always go like I wish it would or to get me out of pain or trouble in the way I’m thinking or on my timeframe.  But, if I can slough off my own will, stubbornness, and closed mindedness long enough, sometimes I can hear Him offering me another path...a clearer path.  Usually showing me the bigger picture, and not just the tiny micro-crisis I see right in front of me.  This is, for me, a kind of reframe or re-envisioning of my life...and it’s a delicate process, because I get it in my thick head that I need, I need, I NEED (whatever)!!!  And then, I see that I’m not surrendering and allowing for the refreshing change of vision that comes when I can lift my gaze above the low horizon where I’ve been focused for this period of challenge or struggle.

So, against that backdrop...I get in touch with God by opening my heart, opening my mind, and opening my mouth.  I like to pray out loud....very often in the truck.  I don't really have a special place for prayer.  I like to talk to God all the time.  Just when a moment of inspiration comes, I FEEL it as fully as I’m able in that moment – in essence, saying “thank you” to God.  But very often with NO words.  Just that warmth and love I feel in my chest that is affirming and encouraging.  I take a deep breath, take in the inspiration, and exhale it into my world, thanking him for the change of perspective, the reminder of what’s really important, or the Truth that I am loved and accepted and that everything is TRULY alright in God’s World in that moment.  That's how I hear God...it definitely ain't rocket science!  Pretty "low church" if you ask me.  : )  : )  : )   

I told him I hoped that my thoughts had helped...at least some.  And then I received a second email from him saying, "nevermind...I decided I'd just ask you in person."...to which I replied, "Too late, it's in my blog now, and it's WAAAY too long!"  : )

Maybe you've found something useful here, too.  I hope so.  And I hope we can all find Him more easily in this coming new year...God knows we could use some more of Him in our walking around lives, huh?

Wes